BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
