all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize