She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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