please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
