i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
