Are we in a gay sports bar?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
