I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize