seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
