Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
