i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
