im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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