you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize