we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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