Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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