To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
