Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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