dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
