This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize