dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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