I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
