she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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