did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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