How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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