Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
