i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I have post one night stand depression
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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