Sry I called you an 8
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
