I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Mom said you looked used
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
