So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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