If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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