JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize