i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
