I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
