What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
