i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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