What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize