Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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