i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who died my cat blue again?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
