Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
