I think i sorta joined a cult last night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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