So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
