I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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