Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to make out with him forever
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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