Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you will always have a special place in my vag
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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