Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
