: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
