If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
