party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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