I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
well, you know. whores of a feather.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
