Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
