can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize