Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
