goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she smelled like a LAN party
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
