the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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