Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
