I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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