I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
