please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
