god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
