Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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