i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
