I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
