I just saw a hot homeless man
I just cut my nipple shaving
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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