then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
