We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
