Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
