I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
