Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
