Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
