i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
