Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
